


With the Way I Fear

by Highsmith (quimtessence)



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Ghosts, Guilt, Implied Dissociation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Siblings, Sleep Deprivation, Survivor Guilt, Trick or Treat: Extra Treat, Trick or Treat: Trick, Unsettling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2020-10-24 22:17:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quimtessence/pseuds/Highsmith
Summary: like two strangersturning into dust





	With the Way I Fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darlingargents](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingargents/gifts).

> Title and summary from the incomparable Mazzy Star (<3 <3 <3), specifically taken from the brilliant _Into Dust_.

He's just standing there, looking at her.

*

Yeah, nothing as silly as their house on Cherry getting spooky on her or whatever; just weird shit she's not telling any living person ever. Kooky Max Mayfield obsessed with her dead step-bro she ain't looking forward to becoming, not where the eyes of Hawkins can see, thank you very much. So not telling. A. Living. Soul. _Fuck._

However, tonight, in her bedroom, if she might see a form at the foot of her bed. If he's—

*

Asking "Have you been sleeping?" when Max so clearly has been having fuck all to do with sleep is such an asshole thing to do. But she's not, like, one hundred percent sure who asked. She's not one hundred percent sure where she is. Except she's standing in an empty aisle reaching for cereal off the top shelf with Lucas just barely at the corner of her eye.

Cool. Good to know.

He asks some other inane shit she's not really focusing on. They're out of milk, too.

*

If no one's standing in the middle of her bedroom. If no one's feet are touching the floor. If no one's there.

Then. Then. Th—

*

She hears about stuff happening and things The Party gets up to from Steve, and sometimes from Will, who's mostly over trying to fit in.

Robin takes her out shopping for school books one day in the most transparent attempt at cheering-up Max's ever been witness to, though strawberry milkshakes are kind of the best all of a sudden.

School seems far away; it's not. But who cares.

She gets new jeans, a cool dark wash and lower-waisted than she would have expected, but, hey, they're comfortable and kind of badass.

Unclear whether Lucas is still dating her, or she's dating him, or whatever. He's a better friend when he doesn't try to be more, though the kissing she misses sometimes.

Eleven has to move away. It's not fine, not fine at all, but no one asks Max about it.

The house is sort of empty since Neil moved out. Huh. But her mom is always home for dinner now.

*

—en. How is she supposed to say sorry?

_I'm sorry I couldn't save you._

*

If the house is haunted, then the ghost is her.

A sob escapes the back of her throat. And there's no one there to hear it. Her eyes are open, and there's nothing. It's been thirty-three days. There should be something there, still, but when she says it again, brain cells forming the words neatly, _I'm sorry_, there's a big empty space where he should be standing—just standing there—looking at her.

_I'm sorry I was too late._

Third time's the charm. Lucky fucking charm.

She closes her eyes. She sleeps. She's got loads of missed sleep to catch up on.

*

And he's just standing there, looking at her sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [rhubarbdreams @ tumblr](https://rhubarbdreams.tumblr.com/) if you want to share in my obsessions.


End file.
